No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
