i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
