I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
