I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
