Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
