Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
