i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
