I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
