You work out of a Hotel?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
