I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
