HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
