Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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