Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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