i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
