There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
