She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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