I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
