nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
