What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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