I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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