Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
