Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
