i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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