That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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