I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it hurts more in the daytime
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
