The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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