I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
