is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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