Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
3pm strippers are depressing
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
