It's like a parade of train wrecks.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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