love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
