she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
