my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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