I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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