Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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