final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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