Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
