I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
