apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
