I'm lost and stupid without you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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