I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
