i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
handjob tips. give me some.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
