think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
