I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
