as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
