my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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