can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
