so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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