i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
