this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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