I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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