so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
