I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
