whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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