Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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