No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
