That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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