I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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