I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
