ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
