We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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