Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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