Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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