I smell stomach acid.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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