If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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