There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
