I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
