This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
