Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
