Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
