ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
